So much happenings...
The good...
I am sufficiently functional to be able to return to work some days.
We have some money coming in as a result.
We seem to be moving forward with the house... We finally got around to asking for some more mortgage money.
We have made some decisions about what we wan to do with the house & have a sort of plan.
Part of the plan involves clearing some of our debts & we are planning how we spend & looking forward.
Some people were nice to me when I went back to work.
A couple of old friends have got in touch.
Chloe has been very kind, understanding & patient.
I have developed something akin to faith... I ask for help with something, I invariably get it, I say thank you. Whether this is merely a manifestation of my own will or intervention on behalf of a higher power matters not, it's working & I am extremely grateful.
Meditation has been incredibly useful & I can really feel a difference within when I let it slide.
My pictures have been received really well & I have been asked to write about them for a blog about Hull people who are passionate about Hull.
The less good...
I am to face disciplinary stuff at work. I made a dreadful hash of things before my enforced period of absence. It needs to happen & I accept that. if I am to have any credibility in the future I have to go through this process. We'll see what the outcome brings.
Some people at work have been less nice.
I am still getting easily tired.
Today has seen the return of Cuntbunny who had been absent for some time, I have been doing an awful lot.
I have let this process f reflection slide. Naughty me. It's as important as the meditation.
Some people made incorrect assumptions from seeing me uploading pictures while I was absent from work, deciding that I must be active & enjoying myself. Good job they didn't find this little litany of woes to dispel their view of a happy, skipping, shutter clicking bag of fun & joy. The pictures paint a picture of a person with a healthy body & mind of course. Can't they see that the shattered, derelict subject matter reflects the mind that made them? No thinking going on.
Today we took a trip to see Frankenweenie & join in with some festivities in town. We ventured into Holy Trinity on the promise that there would be Christmas craft stalls. There were none. It was not a wasted trip. I wanted to see if the bit of external help I've been getting would stir when inside the temple. It did a bit, of course it did, as much as it would in any temple, regardless of denomination. I shouldn't test it; tests don't work with this kind of thing. We were escorted round by an elderly chap who knew everything about the church, but very little about tolerance & kindness & he made some appalling statements while he was telling us facts about the place. It struck me as we wandered around that again Hull has this most marvellous beautiful thing that isn't celebrated & isn't well known. People travel from miles around to York Minster, Beverley Minster, Lincoln Cathedral. How many tourists does the largest parish church in the country pull in? Not many. Very frustrating. I need to go back much more regularly.
Tomorrow I want to get the Christmas things out of the loft & make a start on tarting the place up. I failed miserably at this last year. This year I want the house to glow. I want at least four trees. I need two smaller ones; one for the porch & one for the kitchen. I want to put some the lights on the outside of the house as well. I want to enjoy this Christmas. I passed through last years as if in a trance.
I'm going to think long & hard about my Hull Republic piece too. I have a couple of ideas. It's so long since I've written creatively, this is a real chance to get that started again. It's obvious to me now, now that a lot of things are coming back & some opportunities offered just how closed off I was before. Such little effort has reaped huge rewards. A little more effort will bring much more.
