Returning & fresh starts

I have neglected my little bloggy. I think it's because it had become a repository of gloominess & doomyness & I've started keeping my little note books. One needn't preclude the other though. I've decided they are for separate things & that I need to inject some hope into this. The story does not have to have a sad ending or just fade away into nothingness.
So to fresh starts. So full of hope. I'm so focussed on being better right now. It's taking some getting used to. It's taking some hard work. The hard work is worth it. I'm so full of positive ideas too. To prevent me from wandering all over the place & getting entrenched, confused or too narrow in my focus I've decided to designate days of the week specific themes...

So far I have...

Motivation Monday for planning, reflection, focussing, self improvement, organising & arranging
Widen your horizons Wednesday is for pushing outside the comfort zone; making a special effort to try at least one new thing.
Thankful Thursday is for focusing on gratitude, counting blessings, appreciation, good things, praise & positivity.
Fabulously abundant fiscal Friday is for focussing on abundance, bank stuff, benefits stuff, stocking up on charity shop stock, business planning & E bay uploads & auctions.
Self love Sunday is for pampering; bath, shave & nails. Hair dying (possibly) too.

Just Tuesday & Saturday to allocate.

Froggy gone

Bad frog #1 has been devoured. E mailed work this morning & told them I will not be present at the meeting on Tuesday. I'm not well enough to go to Leeds for pleasure never mind a discussion about my future. Now to kiss a few toads.

Remember.

I am I can. Six things a day. Eat the bad frog first.

Ach.

Still feeling like utter poop. Coughing up horrid gunk. Breathless. Head is all over the place. Keen to remind me of failure & falling. Must focus on being present in the now. "You can't get better by feeling bitter. Bitterness is an attach ment to the past". Today I need to get dressed & sort out some money stuff. Today I will try to live in the now. Every action feels like a leap off a cliff edge. I need to acknowledge that there's just as much chance of landing in blue tropical water as there is of being dashed on jagged rocks. I'm fighting the urge to return to bed, fighting the urge to stay in this hair all day, fighting everything.

Ugh

Sick of being sick. Tired of being tired. Lame old me. Full of fever, pain & flat, flat, flat. Struggling to make calls struggling to breathe & struggling to function. Struggling not to feel utterly hopeless. Shaking like weak jelly. Need to focus & drag up some positive thoughts. Things I have done:

• I'm up.
• I'm typing.
• I'm trying.
• Called someone to get replacement cushions.
• Taking meds properly.
• Jack is getting better.
• Contacted debt management people & have some sort of plan.
• Have done loads of pictures which have been really appreciated.

Things I will do:

• Debt plan action.
• Contact work.
• Shave.
• Meditate.

Progression & the return of CB

So he's back. That horrid little cuntbunny has woken up & is battering my ribs to escape. He woke up the day before yesterday. I used good sense & judgement & went straight to the doctor & instead of fighting on & making myself more sick I used my new found acceptance & decided to stay off work & college & rest, swallowing my painkillers & antibiotics like a good boy. Hopefully I'll be better soon. 

An important thing, there has been very little beating myself up, feeling bad about being ill, letting it depress me. I still feel in a fairly good mood. I'm annoyed about having to stay off work & college when I have things I need to do but I have accepted that at this time, looking after myself is important & will help things improve in the long run. Acceptance, thinking about the bigger picture, focussing on the now, meditation, remembering what the therapists & the helpful people have been saying. All doing me a lot of good. Tired again now. Tea & bed soon. 

There have been many pictures which I have neglected to post here must remedy that.

And someone else has come back. A most glorious, wonderful, inspiring & cherished return. PRAISE BE! For He has returned.

I couldn't be more pleased.