I can I am

What's been beneficial?

Meditaition has been making a great difference. I feel more calm. I feel like I have some hope. I feel like I'm starting to make a difference & I find a great deal of pleasure in the relaxed states. The further in I go the better. The synaesthetic experiences are wonderful.

Music has been incredibly useful. Putting things on to enjoy. Filling the dead space & cutting off the anxiety with music has been really good. Using technology to help has been central to all of this. There's as much good stuff as there is bullshit on youtube & the like. I've set my filter high. 

Being open to all sorts without question is helping. I'm ignoring ideology,  looking past dogma & philosophy. At the moment if it makes me feel better then it's getting used. Getting better is the most important thing at the moment. If I come through all this & find that I have had some major belief shift then that's obviously what needed to happen. I even did a chakra test last night. My chakras are of course entirely fucked & it told me what I already kind of knew however I'm not discounting that doing some chakra meditation might be helpful & have tried some with good effect. 
Sewing is good. I have been losing myself in cloth, in the weave, the stitch absorbs me, takes all of the bad away. Sewing every day is essential. 

Our dead brothers are shouting at me "The only thing to fear is fear itself". Coil always helps. Must do more Coil.

Beautiful.

Cuntbunny seems to be sleeping encouraged by paracetamol & ibuprofen  Hopefully the little shit will stay that way & I won't have to hit him with the big Cocoa damn all hammer. Horrid stuff.

I can I am. Nice little spell to get things done.