Continuing to gulp down the Tramadol but in lots of pain over the weekend. Monday was intolerable & depressing. I struggled to drag myself out of a fugue to manage to do the bare minimum after a brief burst in the morning when I destroyed the pile of ironing.
The thought of another weeks absence fills me with dread & concern about money & about the security of my role. Meditating regularly but it is difficult to stay positive.
Had to cancel my place on the anxiety management group that was due to start this evening which I'm disappointed about too. Realistically I am not well enough to go & Sharon was very worried about me getting there & back. There will be another course that I can attend in the new year. The pain today is pretty much constant & I'm trying to resist the urge to sleep the day away. Which would be easy as these Tramadol things make me drowsy.
I have booked another GP appointment with the hopefully more sympathetic Dr Ram for this afternoon. She has been consistently helpful so I'm going to stick with her for now.
Did a bit of reading around yesterday on a forum about asthma that stated that pain from pleurisy can last for a long time after the infection has cleared. Not heard that from a professional though so I'm not sure what to think. Will do a bit more digging.
Had an interesting day on Sunday. Dropped Jack off at his friend's house to play & while trudging home I was abused by an ex prisoner for not immediately acknowledging his presence as he shouted at me from behind while I was on the phone. He threatened me with violence & without hesitation I responded in kind, assuring him that if he tried anything he would come off worse. I can't remember the exact dialogue, needless to say it was not pleasant & would have been upsetting for others to hear (there was no one else around.) He cycled off; no rumpus. The most important & noteworthy thing about the exchange is that I felt a great strength in my voice, I allowed myself to get angry & let the anger out. It felt good. A voice I've suppressed for a very long time broke through. Now I'm certain that my response can't be considered right, but it was good to let that side of me out of the box. I had been doing throat chakra meditations as I think that self expression is a good place to start. Seems to be working.
Had an interesting day on Sunday. Dropped Jack off at his friend's house to play & while trudging home I was abused by an ex prisoner for not immediately acknowledging his presence as he shouted at me from behind while I was on the phone. He threatened me with violence & without hesitation I responded in kind, assuring him that if he tried anything he would come off worse. I can't remember the exact dialogue, needless to say it was not pleasant & would have been upsetting for others to hear (there was no one else around.) He cycled off; no rumpus. The most important & noteworthy thing about the exchange is that I felt a great strength in my voice, I allowed myself to get angry & let the anger out. It felt good. A voice I've suppressed for a very long time broke through. Now I'm certain that my response can't be considered right, but it was good to let that side of me out of the box. I had been doing throat chakra meditations as I think that self expression is a good place to start. Seems to be working.
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