Plasmataz.

Watching a programme about making stars. Terrifying.

So... feeling pretty pleased with my progress. Avoided major anxiety for a good few days. Attended session with therapist today & talked about how I've neglected to do for myself that which I advise & support others in doing. I used to be developing, conscious, experimenting with myself, with fresh techniques all the time. At some point that ceased & just thinking about it now I've identified the exact time it did & I want to cry. Epiphany at the keyboard. Babies aren't the only things that die in miscarriages.
I talked about how I always recommend to people they have a programme. I don't have one. I used to. I need to get that back to get me well. So I must start... more meditation later. My being forced to kip in the Figgis' bed last night has made him determined to sleep in there this evening so should be able to get some good stuff done & in the dark too. The luxury of darkness. I really miss it.

We also talked about work, about burnout, about what I want to do. I think I want to stick at it. I don't think I'm burnt out through work. I've been through that twice now. I think I'm burnt out through me. I'm all not right, not just the work bits. We talked about my largely hidden ambition to do something with sewing & clothes. I should really put some action in to move that along a bit. All in good time.

Physically I feel much the same. The pain in my side continues to be agonising but less so  than before. I'm not sure if it has decreased or if I've just got used to it. It still takes me by surprise from time to time though. My short walk around the centre of Hessle & my short walk form Gypsyville to home tired me out & I ended up napping in bed by 4pm, asleep in an arm chair by 5.30pm, in bed again at 7pm & now only up & forced awake by caffeine & a determination to get everything on my list done.

So tomorrow's list...

• Up & dressed before 9.
• Open & deal with mail.
• Confirm attendance at anxiety management group.
• Confirm venue & time of appointment on 30th.
• Answer e mails.
• Have a crack at a little trip to Princes Ave. A new pop up vintage shop has occurred that someone has recommended to me so I should really have a peep.
• Bank stuff.
• That is all. Some sewing too.